change is hardwritten by alison
The funny thing about being a recovering perfectionist and control freak is that not only is the change hard for you, but the change is hard for everyone around you.
When you go from giving all the fucks, to working hard to give zero fucks, it causes a bit of whiplash.
And maybe it’s a good reminder to me that the pendulum shouldn’t swing so wildly. But if I’m being honest here, I am not cured of my ways. And that means I’m going to give it my all, whatever “it” is. In today’s lesson, that’s letting go of expectations and dropping the shame around needing to prove something.
I honestly don’t know how to ease into things. I don’t know what “small steps” are when it comes to living my life. In case you don’t believe me, here are some examples –
- last year I tried to succeed at building 10 new habits in 100 days (adding a new one every 10 days was my form of “easing into it”)
- when I surpassed 150 on the scale, I told myself that I needed to CrossFit 4-5 times a week when normally I make it 5 times a month
- my first tattoo took 7 hours — 5 of those in my first sitting
- just days ago, instead of hiring my first employee, I hired my first 2 employees
Go big or go home is really my life’s mantra. Or at least it has been.
So I went from being an avid doormat and people pleaser to my family, friends and clients to being a tiger hiding in a blanket fort. Literally. Granted, I was nursing some wicked pain. But the old me would have put on some big girl panties and put everyone’s needs before my own.
What happens though, is that I never meet everyone’s needs. The list never ends, the requests never stop and that meant I never got to the task of “taking care of Alison.” I see that now.
For the next few weeks I’m going to make sure every day features at least one task geared towards my health and happiness. That might mean a massage, getting fresh flowers to brighten my desk, lunch with a friend, an hour of coloring time, binging on netflix in a blanket fort, meditating for 5 minutes, a long yoga class or soaking in a bath salt filled bath.
I encourage you to do the same, especially with the holidays quickly approaching. We all deserve to make ourselves a priority, even me.