doctors, doctors, doctors

written by alison

I’m still recovering from yesterday’s abundance of appointments. I had not 1, but 3 medical professionals to see about my 21 month headache.

And in between appointment 2 and 3, I scheduled a consultation with a 4th to happen in early January.

This is my new normal.

I wake up every day and immediately¬†assess if the headache is still there (yup), where it lands on the pain scale (I’m so grateful for anything below a 4) and if I can “deal” with it today. I also have at least 3 appointments any given week with specialists and doctors to talk about, game plan and try to improve the situation.

More often than not, you can find me awkwardly doing neck physical therapy exercises, sporting an ice pack wrapped around my skull or microwaving my heat pack to ease the weight of the world on my shoulders. (Note to self: see if constant microwave rays are a possible problem on the road to recovery.)

This is my new normal, and I hate it.

I hate trying to fit appointments around vacations and project launches when there are only so many days in the week. I hate waking up to something sad every day. I hate being limited by something that feels like it should be in my control, but simply isn’t. I hate that my number one priority is a headache. I hate that we are now approaching the list of possible solutions that I tried with all my power to avoid. I don’t like permanent things as possible solutions. That doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies.

But here we are, my new normal.

However, there is a positive side to all of this anger and sadness.

Yesterday, in appointment number 3, we checked my collarbones — which on any given day, can be so different in position that you can tell from 15 feet away — and yesterday, they were almost even. That hasn’t happened in the history of “the headache of 2014/15.”

You bet your ass I celebrated that shit.

The lovely Cynthia and I high-fived, but immediately after our hands made contact, we game planned ways to address the new pain I felt when I got a massage.

Because my new normal includes massages causing more harm than good. Fuck.