heavy

written by alison

the weight of the world would be a welcomed pause
compared to what i’m currently keeping upright

this stack of my own expectations
weighs heavier
thanĀ a million cinder blocks
placed one by one by one
until it towers over me, wavering just like i am

with each block that i watch fall to the side
i risk broken bones, chipped teeth and missing skin
yet, as i hold my breath in my burning lungs,
i can only hope it doesn’t come crashing down completely

until then, i’ve got bills to pay
lives to fix
and more than i can chew

you might call it heavy, this burden of mine
but to me, it feels like home

holding my head high comes with a price
far too costly to consider
so instead it hangs low
eyes on the ground

i can feel my spine caving to the pressure
of these blocks not getting lighter

this new shape is the result of
blood, sweat and years
time spent only resisting gravity
aided by my own unreachable standards

you might call it heavy, this burden of mine
but to me, it keeps the ground close

each letdown gets easier, when i have less distance to fall
another block replaces those that have landed
still too close for comfort

if i don’t learn from each experience
my scars won’t tell a story

so up goes another task, another goal, another block
as i carefully drag one foot in front of the other
everything on repeat

the consistency is my lullaby
but it’s not helping me sleep
merely numbing, quieting and dulling

you might call it heavy, this burden of mine
but to me, it is

 

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