state the facts, ma’am

written by alison

I’d be lying if I said…

…that all of this was easy.

…I’ve got it all figured out.

…I’m fine.

…I can’t remember the last time I cried.

…I don’t miss my old coping mechanisms.

…I have no doubts about my choices.

 

I’d be lying if I said…

…I don’t care.

…I’m about to give up.

…it’s too much for me.

…I want everything to be easy.

…I’m not ready.

 

I have my moments when everything feels like just a little too much. When not talking to or seeing a warm body for over 9 hours (other than Brutus) takes it toll. When a decision has to be made about the house in exactly 30 seconds, while on the phone, with no visual + no support net. When running a business is the only thing I can even think about, but I’d give anything to be able to relax. When there aren’t enough hugs in the world to make me feel valuable. When the dirty dishes feel like they are multiplying every time I look away.

Sometimes, like tonight, the cracks seem like the Grand Canyon. And other times I feel like there’s nothing that can stop me. As someone with a big heart and even bigger emotions, I’m used to the ups and downs. I’m just not used to adapting to the new stressors, which is where I can aim to improve.

In the meantime, I’m just going to focus on taking deep breaths.

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